Discipleship. Theirs, and unbeknownst to me when I started, mine.
When I made this long and arduous commitment to be solely responsible for the education of my children, I could never have envisioned how hard it would be. Yes, finding the time to plan lessons is hard. And trying to keep the little ones busy while I work with the big one is hard. My kids being quizzed by friends, family members, and sometimes strangers to see if they are learning anything is hard. Constantly being judged for the decision I made to do it is hard. And the fact that I will not likely be home alone until I am at least 52 years old is hard (and horrifying!) But none of these come close to how hard it is to have my children with me 24/7 watching every move I make and imitating many of the worst ones. It's like having your spiritual weaknesses under a magnifying glass. If ever I think I've arrived spiritually, I have three little people right there behind me reminding me that I still have so far to go.
In his book Sacred Parenting, Gary Thomas asks the questions, "Do you believe that parenting is a sacred enterprise? What if one of God's primary intentions for you as a parent isn't about successfully raising perfect children, but about your becoming more holy?" I think perhaps when God led me into homeschooling, He realized that His holiness in me was still so far off the mark that perhaps it would take this much effort to refine me. Either that or I'm a glutton for spiritual punishment. Perhaps a little of both.
As for educating my kids at home and what this has to do with their discipleship? Everything.
Here's where things get sticky. People who send their children to public or private schools immediately feel like I am saying that they do not disciple their children. That could not be further from the truth. Some of my closest and dearest friends, people whom I respect more than anyone else in this world, send their children to public or private school. And disciple them well. So if your fingers are poised to start pounding on the keys in defensiveness, would you hear me out? I am challenging us to shift our thinking about discipleship and how it relates to our children. And, yes, that might sometimes mean shifting our educational choices and our approaches toward our children's learning. But as with other topics this week, I am trying to get us to boil down some philosophy and apply it directly to our own families. I'm not talking about the kid down the street or the countless numbers of children whose parents could care less about this stuff or your child's school or teacher. I am talking about you. A parent who loves their child deeply and desires God's best for him or her and who has been entrusted with a very precious gift for a very short period of time.
Discipleship is not just about communicating one's thoughts and ideas and wisdom to a student. It's also about time. And lots of it. I think our society sells us the myth (and mostly to alleviate our guilt) that quality time is more important than quantity time. It's not. (Nor do I think the converse - there must be a balance.) I think we are so prone to believe that lie because in so many areas it makes us feel better about putting our work before our family. Or putting our families before God. Or putting the state before our children. Thinking that we can throw in some good quality spiritual conversations with our children or take them to church on Sundays for a quality program takes off some of the pressure. Discipleship, especially of children, is a commitment that is long and tedious and hard. It takes hours and hours of sometimes mundane and monotonous work.
As Christian parents, we need to be aware that if our children are under the educational instruction of a public or private school, they will spend more than 14,000 hours under the tutelage of someone else. 14,000 hours. 14,000 hours under the care of complete strangers who, if we're honest with ourselves, we know very little to nothing about and some we've never even met. 14,000 hours learning about the world and life from a culture that directly opposes God's wisdom as revealed in Scripture. 14,000 hours learning from people, the majority of whom do not care about their souls and their eternities. 14,000 hours in an environment where we are expecting them to be "salt and light" after we've only trained them at home for a mere five years (three of those during which they pooped in their pants and couldn't talk.) 14,000 hours.
If we examine our child's day closely, who spends more time discipling them - us or their teachers and peer group? Who gets the best of them and who they are as learners and people? For the majority of children whose parents are Christ-followers, the answer is not the loving and gifted parents that God has chosen for them and who He desires to teach them in a Deuteronomy 6:4-9 kind of way. Why are we willing to settle for less?
Jesus taught a parable in Luke 6 about the blind leading the blind right into a pit and ended with the statement, "A student is not above his teacher, but everyone who is fully trained will be like his teacher." There's no escaping it. Our children will be like who they are trained by. For me, I read that and think, "Oh, dear God, please don't let these children end up like me." But then I remember that I am pressing hard after my Savior. That I am passionate about who God made them to be and cultivating His heart in them. And while I am totally screwed up and sometimes horrible at it (like today), I am also learning and exhibiting grace. And if that's what they walk away with at the end of the day as my little disciples, that's enough for me.
Homeschooling dad, author, professor, and pastor Voddie Baucham writes some thought-provoking (and, be prepared, searing) truths on his blog about this topic. If you would like to read more:
or this:
Oh, sweet Nikki. How do you know my heart & put it in writing??? Thank you for sharing your heart, for presenting more opportunity for dialogue, and for reminding me why I homeschool. What a truthful mirror! I'm confident my homeschooling journey IS often about me becoming more holy. [I, too, need much refinement! lol] It is a tedious, hard road. Yet I know that I would not be able to disciple our children well if I only "had them" outside of the school & sleeping hours. It's worth it to take the hard road & those "rougher days" to disciple them... If nothing else, I pray that our boys will learn to fall forward & seek God above all.
ReplyDeleteLove to you, girly!
Nikki, Thanks for sharing your thoughts with the world. I have to say that as a mom who sends my two precious girls to christian school I do not feel as though I am not disicpling them. I feel blessed that I have "partners" in their disicpleship process. I am excited that they are learning from other amazing godly women what it means to follow Jesus and love Him with their whole heart, soul, mind and strength. I think it is important to remember that we are all disicpled by many people throughout our lives. I'm thankful that my girls aren't getting ONLY me!
ReplyDeleteNikki,
ReplyDeleteThis was beautiful, moving, and challenging to read. The paragraph about 14,000 hours was particularly powerful. You are right. We should not be willing to settle for less, and we should be well aware of how much each day adds up to. Thank you especially for sharing the verse. I had missed that one. And although my son is only 7 months, God is already using him to refine me spiritually. He has definitely shown me how selfish I am.
I'm sorry I came across as defensive yesterday. As a public educator, I hear people bash public ed. all the time and it gets depressing quite honestly, especially when I and many others are working so hard.
Thank you for digging deeper.
-Michelle
I understand why you choose to home school and this is a powerful blog in favor of your choice. There are places I could have lived where I would have possibly made the same choice. Instead, I lived in Fx. County and sent my children to public schools ... but I stayed involved with their education. We talked about what they learned. I read their texts. My children learned how to know the difference between what God teaches and what the world teaches. By junior high they could diplomatically argue their point of view in a science or English class and often got higher grades for their independent thinking. I know no one thinks that is encouraged in public schools, but that was the experience for my kids. Now that they are 'out in the world' in college, Emily and Stephen are Christian leaders who are thriving and can stand on their own beliefs. They have confidence that nothing the world throws at them will knock them off God's Word.
ReplyDeleteI know the 'public school' route sounds risky to some people, but it *is* possible to stay involved with your children's lives and disciple them. If you know my two kids, they are living proof.