The D Word

I am beginning to think that today is the absolute worst of all days to share the number one reason (of many) that I choose to educate my kids at home. In regard to learning, today has been a day of frustration, impatience, and anger for my students. Unfortunately, they are only modeling what they see in their teacher. And maybe that's why today of all days is the best day to share why I homeschool.

Discipleship. Theirs, and unbeknownst to me when I started, mine.

When I made this long and arduous commitment to be solely responsible for the education of my children, I could never have envisioned how hard it would be. Yes, finding the time to plan lessons is hard. And trying to keep the little ones busy while I work with the big one is hard. My kids being quizzed by friends, family members, and sometimes strangers to see if they are learning anything is hard. Constantly being judged for the decision I made to do it is hard. And the fact that I will not likely be home alone until I am at least 52 years old is hard (and horrifying!) But none of these come close to how hard it is to have my children with me 24/7 watching every move I make and imitating many of the worst ones. It's like having your spiritual weaknesses under a magnifying glass. If ever I think I've arrived spiritually, I have three little people right there behind me reminding me that I still have so far to go.

In his book Sacred Parenting, Gary Thomas asks the questions, "Do you believe that parenting is a sacred enterprise? What if one of God's primary intentions for you as a parent isn't about successfully raising perfect children, but about your becoming more holy?" I think perhaps when God led me into homeschooling, He realized that His holiness in me was still so far off the mark that perhaps it would take this much effort to refine me. Either that or I'm a glutton for spiritual punishment. Perhaps a little of both.

As for educating my kids at home and what this has to do with their discipleship? Everything.

Here's where things get sticky. People who send their children to public or private schools immediately feel like I am saying that they do not disciple their children. That could not be further from the truth. Some of my closest and dearest friends, people whom I respect more than anyone else in this world, send their children to public or private school. And disciple them well. So if your fingers are poised to start pounding on the keys in defensiveness, would you hear me out? I am challenging us to shift our thinking about discipleship and how it relates to our children. And, yes, that might sometimes mean shifting our educational choices and our approaches toward our children's learning. But as with other topics this week, I am trying to get us to boil down some philosophy and apply it directly to our own families. I'm not talking about the kid down the street or the countless numbers of children whose parents could care less about this stuff or your child's school or teacher. I am talking about you. A parent who loves their child deeply and desires God's best for him or her and who has been entrusted with a very precious gift for a very short period of time.

Discipleship is not just about communicating one's thoughts and ideas and wisdom to a student. It's also about time. And lots of it. I think our society sells us the myth (and mostly to alleviate our guilt) that quality time is more important than quantity time. It's not. (Nor do I think the converse - there must be a balance.) I think we are so prone to believe that lie because in so many areas it makes us feel better about putting our work before our family. Or putting our families before God. Or putting the state before our children. Thinking that we can throw in some good quality spiritual conversations with our children or take them to church on Sundays for a quality program takes off some of the pressure. Discipleship, especially of children, is a commitment that is long and tedious and hard. It takes hours and hours of sometimes mundane and monotonous work.

As Christian parents, we need to be aware that if our children are under the educational instruction of a public or private school, they will spend more than 14,000 hours under the tutelage of someone else. 14,000 hours. 14,000 hours under the care of complete strangers who, if we're honest with ourselves, we know very little to nothing about and some we've never even met. 14,000 hours learning about the world and life from a culture that directly opposes God's wisdom as revealed in Scripture. 14,000 hours learning from people, the majority of whom do not care about their souls and their eternities. 14,000 hours in an environment where we are expecting them to be "salt and light" after we've only trained them at home for a mere five years (three of those during which they pooped in their pants and couldn't talk.) 14,000 hours.

If we examine our child's day closely, who spends more time discipling them - us or their teachers and peer group? Who gets the best of them and who they are as learners and people? For the majority of children whose parents are Christ-followers, the answer is not the loving and gifted parents that God has chosen for them and who He desires to teach them in a Deuteronomy 6:4-9 kind of way. Why are we willing to settle for less?

Jesus taught a parable in Luke 6 about the blind leading the blind right into a pit and ended with the statement, "A student is not above his teacher, but everyone who is fully trained will be like his teacher." There's no escaping it. Our children will be like who they are trained by. For me, I read that and think, "Oh, dear God, please don't let these children end up like me." But then I remember that I am pressing hard after my Savior. That I am passionate about who God made them to be and cultivating His heart in them. And while I am totally screwed up and sometimes horrible at it (like today), I am also learning and exhibiting grace. And if that's what they walk away with at the end of the day as my little disciples, that's enough for me.

Homeschooling dad, author, professor, and pastor Voddie Baucham writes some thought-provoking (and, be prepared, searing) truths on his blog about this topic. If you would like to read more:

http://web.me.com/voddieb/vbm/Blog/Entries/2009/6/25_Top_Five_REasons_Not_to_Send_Your_Kids_Back_to_Govt._School.html

or this:

http://web.me.com/voddieb/vbm/Blog/Entries/2008/2/14_Salt_and_Light.html

Institutionalized Education Can Be Baaaaaa-d for Children (sorry, I couldn't help myself)

A few years ago, my husband and I went through a four-day psychological and abilities assessment (think "The Apprentice" for pastors) for people in ministry who plant churches that evaluated whether we should be doing just that. We were tested and interviewed and challenged on all things ministry and personality. On the final day, we knew we had to sit in an hour-long interview with an assessor who would fire questions at us about things that could be hot buttons for us or potentially damaging to our ministry or churches. I went into this thinking that since my husband was the actual pastor and he was the one that would actually be working for the church that it would mostly be about him and that I could just sit there listening.

I was wrong.

For fifty-five minutes of the interview, the assessor wanted to talk about my reasons and motivations for homeschooling. He quizzed me about whether I was trying to shelter my children, what I thought about the public education system, the "socialization" issue (insert eye-rolling here), and whether I actually knew what I was doing.

Let's just say that by the end of the interview, he was completely convinced that I knew what I was doing.

As we talked through all of those things, one of the points I kept hitting home with him and that is one of the biggest reasons I homeschool is this: I am not a fan of institutionalized education. Especially one in which the institution providing oversight and funding is the government.

Too many teachers, too many administrators, too many government bureaucrats have educational - not to mention social and political agendas - that are way far removed from my own. People often laugh when they hear my children spout off on something that they surely must have overheard from me (just tonight my very wise eight year-old was telling me how stupid it is that the government spends more money than it takes in and how concerned he is for the future of our government. Out of the mouths of babes...) I often joke with people that if I don't brainwash my children, someone else will. And I'm only half joking. If anyone is going to set their worldview, teach them about the sacredness of sex, and educate them with the end goal of preparing them to make a difference in this world for Christ, it's going to be me.

Not to mention that I cannot think of even one government agency that is run efficiently and effectively. Not one. So, why would I want an entity whose effectiveness is poor, whose production is meager at best, and who continues to waste money hand over fist to be in charge of educating my kids? Not a chance.

Wouldn't a private, religious school fix my problem then? While a fabulous alternative for many, not so much for me (gosh, it stinks being so picky) because of the other reason I'm not so hot on institutionalized education: I cringe at the idea of putting 25 children who are uniquely created by God in a classroom for seven hours a day to receive the exact same training and conditioning. It goes against everything their Creator celebrates about them. Just this week, my three very different learners have explored Abraham Lincoln and his role in ending the Civil War, practiced their multiplication tables, wandered through the botanical gardens "blindly" trying to imagine what it was like to be Helen Keller, read endlessly about the history of Nascar, watched videos of killer whales and dolphins giving birth, have been read to about dogs, hiked and looked for letters naturally made in nature, and discussed government spending and budget deficits...and it's only Wednesday! I love that their minds can explore and examine anything they are interested in and that their desire to learn isn't curtailed so that we can stay within the government's guidelines.

I hurt for students who are forced to follow one mold for learning and who are stripped of independent thinking, discouraged from having a more diverse worldview, and encouraged to follow the flock that is blindly leading them through the supposedly hallowed hallways. They are like sheep being led to and fro both academically and socially. They are conditioned to ingest information from textbooks that are questionable at best , oftentimes from teachers with agendas far different than our own, required to regurgitate said information, and then are often penalized if their ideas do not fit in with the mainstream. Been there. Done that. Been ostracized - not to mention penalized - for it. (And only made stronger because of it.)

Finally, I'll leave you with yet another wonderfully written piece by someone other than me that reflects my heart for kids and education:

"The School for the Animals"

An old story tells of the creation of a school for the animals. In this school, everybody took the same four courses: flying, swimming, climbing, and running. Among the students were a duck, a flying squirrel, a fox, and an elephant. These four were highly motivated, and wanted to get good grades, so they all tried very hard.

The duck did fantastically well in swimming and flying, but he lagged behind his classmates in climbing and running, so he focused special attention on those two subjects. However, his feet became so sore from trying to run and his wings were so bedraggled from trying to climb that by the end of the year he not only failed both those subjects, but made C’s in swimming and flying, which had once been his two best subjects.

At the beginning of the school year, the squirrel was first in his class in climbing and running and was second only to the duck at flying. But as the months wore on, he missed so much school from catching pneumonia in his swimming class that he failed everything.

To make matters even worse, because the squirrel constantly squirmed and chattered in class, and had difficulty paying attention, he was diagnosed with a learning disorder. The squirrel eventually was placed in remedial classes and had to be medicated in order to continue with his school work.

The fox was a natural in his running class and scored well in climbing and swimming, but became so frustrated at his inability to get good grades in flying that he began assaulting his classmates. He even tried to eat the duck. His behavior was so disruptive he was expelled from school. He fell in with a rough crowd and eventually wound up in a center for animal delinquents.

The elephant, meanwhile, developed low self-esteem because he couldn’t do well in any of the subjects. When he sank into clinical depression, his therapist persuaded him to try a different school that focused on subjects such as lifting and carrying. The elephant was disappointed, because careers in lifting and carrying were not as prestigious as careers in flying, swimming, climbing, or running. Even though he always felt inferior, he managed to make a decent living and support his family.

The point of this silly story about a school for the animals is that modern education sends every child through a program of study that is targeted toward a “generic” child. It expects every student to be able to follow the same course of study in the same sequence, without considering innate aptitudes or individual differences that are crucial to children’s abilities to learn. Schooling does not take into account differing personality types or temperaments.

Parents who understand learning differences can be more sympathetic with the frustrations their children face in school and more helpful in finding alternative approaches. The two major learning differences among children have to do with learning styles and learning readiness.

© Copyright 2006. Home School Marketplace, 1053 Eldridge Loop, Crossville, TN 38571.

Now go and separate those sheep (and ducks and squirrels and foxes and elephants) from the rest of the flock. By the grace of God and under the influence of the Holy Spirit, you will be a way better shepherd than anyone else ever could.

P.S. I

f you're interested in another homeschooling mama's fine words on this same topic, I think this mom does a great job explaining the hearts of many home-educators when it comes to this issue.

My Two-Headed, Garbling, Socially-Misfit Children

I've decided my life doesn't have enough drama, so for the month of June I'm going to do a new series each week sharing about an area of my life and my sometimes controversial opinions about it. Let's just drop any thoughts that I'm here to argue with anyone or am crusading for anyone to adopt my ideas or that I think they are better than your own. I'm just trying to share more about who I am and what I think about some things that people frequently ask me about. Read on and be nice.

If I had a dollar for every time I had the following conversation, I would be wealthy. Very wealthy.

Well-meaning person: "Where do your kids go to school?"

Me: "I homeschool them."

Well-meaning person: "Really? Wow. That's nice. I would do that but I would be worried about socialization..."

At this point in the conversation, I smile politely, all the while wanting to smack them over the head with a whack-a-mole mallet from an old school arcade. Where on earth do people get this stuff? Not only did this person just make the assumption that my kids are/are going to be complete social misfits but they also somehow got the idea that homeschooling creates a problem with "socialization"? (Even hearing that word makes me cringe.) Where did we get the idea that for children to be "socialized properly" they need to be in a group of 25 children their exact same age, often their same socio-economic status, who all live in the same geographic area?

One of the things I LOVE about homeschooling - and what I think gives kids who are educated this way the upperhand in "socialization" - is that everyday my children have the opportunity to interact with people from all different races, age groups, and financial situations. They are just as comfortable talking to the elderly person at the grocery store as they are interacting with the kid down the street. They are not limited socially from the typical public or private school scenario of having been conditioned for seven hours each day to only relate to one type of person.

And to be very honest, when people ask me about socialization, I often would like to ask a question of my own: Why would I want my children socialized in today's public or private schools? Within the last two weeks, two separate Facebook friends posted the following as their status updates:

"5 fights in 10 minutes, threats of gunfire, and Samoans and Mexicans in a heated racial clash. All today at [my son's] High School." - A dad of a student at a public school in a major U.S. city

"Just got back from THE CRAZIEST lunch at [my son's] school! Man!!! Those kids were out of control!!! Under the table, spitting on each other, pulling shirts off of other kids, rubbing food on their faces. It was nuts!!!!!!" - A mom of a student in a public school in suburbia

And this in an email: "My school year sure ended on a very sad note. A student brought in obscene photographs and passed them around to the class. When we got to the bottom of everything, [we found out] he had brought in pictures before! Just to let you know what the next generation is into - he was just a first grader!" - An employee of a rural public school

If subjecting my children to any of the above scenarios means they won't be "properly socialized", I am 100% willing to have that be the case. They can be the biggest freakazoids on the block for all I care. Not because I want to shelter them, but because I am willing to protect them from joining the rest of the inmates who are running the asylum. As a parent, I believe it is my responsibility to provide them with a safe learning environment where they are not bullied, belittled, or will have their innocence stolen.

Finally, I'll leave you with a letter written to the editor of Fredericksburg, Virginia's Free Lance Star a few years ago:

"Home-schooled and Skipping the 'Joys' of Modern Education"

When my wife and I mention to our well-intentioned friends that we are strongly considering home-schooling our children, we are without fail asked, "But what about socialization?"

Fortunately, we found a proven method by which our kids can receive the same socialization that public schools provide.

On Mondays and Wednesdays, I will personally corner my son in the bathroom, give him a wedgie, and take his lunch money.

On Tuesdays and Thursdays, my wife will make sure to tease our children for not being in the "in" crowd, taking special care to poke fun of any physical abnormalities.

Fridays will be "Fad and Peer Pressure Day", in which we will all compete to see who has the coolest toys, the most expensive clothes, and the loudest, fastest, and most dangerous car - all while dyeing our hair the same color and ripping our jeans.

However, every day, my wife and I will adhere to a routine of cursing and swearing in the hallways and mentioning our weekend exploits with alcohol and immorality.

If our kids attempt to use the bathroom without permission, we will punish them immediately; and we have asked them to hold us to a similar standard by reporting us to the authorities in the event we mention God or try to bring up morals and values.

And just think - all these benefits without a dime of taxpayers' money!

Alan Brymer
Stafford"

Well said, Alan. Thank you. I've kept your letter all these years b

ecause it continually encourages me on this journey that I am doing the right thing for my family.

P.S. If you are a homeschooling mom (or dad), feel free to tell me about your socially misfit children in the comments section below. I'm sure I would loooove them and will want to set up a playdate soon so we can all hang out being "improperly socialized" together.