Point C

I was listening to a tape today of a homeschooling mom teaching about goal-setting and long-term planning. She described something she called "Bend in the Road Syndrome" which happens when you are at Point A and think you see God leading you toward Point B so you head that direction. All of a sudden, it is clear that the road is taking a sharp turn and you can see that Point C is your ultimate destination. Does this mean God changed His mind? Not at all. Instead, she surmised that God had Point C in His sights all along but knew that if He sent us directly from Point A to Point C, we wouldn't go.

And she's right.

As I sit here on the last night of this almost five-month journey of living on the road and having no idea where me and my three little ones would lay our heads from month to month (right now everyone's but mine is on a pillow in a Holiday Inn in Florence, SC), I know for sure that if God had suggested going from our last home directly to Richmond - a mere hour away - I wouldn't have gone. And, in fact, when it was first suggested to me, I absolutely refused to even consider it. I pitched a fit uglier than you can imagine.

And all along, He knew I would.

So the destination continued to appear to be Point B (Las Vegas) while all the while God was molding and changing and shaping my heart so that He could give me His best at Point C. Maybe someday I won't be so stubborn and hard to harness. But until then, I'll be thankful for the roadwork that occurred between Points A and C.

How about you? What have been your own Points A, B, and C? And how has God changed you in the process?

Three Minutes

I was alone tonight from 8:17-8:20.

I know, right?

I actually got to drive in the car all by my little self for three whole minutes while my brother transported all the kiddos from the pool back to his house in his car.

Three minutes.

I got three whole minutes by myself. I'm still trying to recover from it. It was bliss, I tell ya. Bliss.

You see, I can count on one hand all the times I've been alone in the last five months. This journey of "living in between" has been full of adventure and fun and memories. But it has also been full of exhaustion and chaos and me being in charge of all three kids 24/7 without ever having a break. Ever. (Insert me giving a standing ovation to single mothers everywhere. I do not know how you do it.) You may be thinking, "Surely you get to go to the bathroom alone." And right now I'm thinking that if you asked that question, you likely don't have small children at home.

So those three minutes tonight were big time. Big. Time. And since it was so quiet, it made me think about God and wonder why He never wants to be alone.

I would think He gets tired of the constant barrage of requests from me. He doesn't.

I would think my whining might wear on His last nerve. It doesn't.

I would think the idiotic things I do that risk my safety and the safety of others would make Him shake His head and beg for a break. But they don't.

I would think the way I hurt people sometimes would make Him throw up His hands and give up. At least for a little while. But it doesn't.

I would think the fact that I completely and utterly need Him to survive each and every day would zap Him of all His energy and strength. I am, after all, pretty high maintenance. But, still, it doesn't.

In fact, just the opposite. God cannot wait to spend time with me. To hear me talking. To hear me sharing my heart and all that's in it. To watch me interacting with my fellow humans and taking (and missing) chances to love them. He just can't get enough of it. He's not sitting on His throne hoping that someone else would step in briefly and keep an eye on me so that He could have a break. And for that, I'm thankful. He's the only one who I would ever want watching over me.

As I followed Blake and the kids in my car tonight, delighting in the deliciousness of my three whole minutes, I couldn't help but flick on my high beams to see their little faces lighting up with joy at the treat of riding with Uncle B. As much as I am completely and utterly exhausted from these last five months, I sure do love those little faces and my heart is never far from them.

I would like to think that God feels the same way about me. And He does. He really, really does.

The Vagabond Life

This blog post was originally written on a napkin while I sat in a McDonald's PlayPlace somewhere along I-81 North in Pennsylvania. I'm a vagabond these days. Having just left one friend's house and off to another, never knowing where the highway may take me and the kiddos next.

In the fall we felt like the time had come to put our house on the market. It was a decision we had been contemplating for most of the year but felt like God kept saying, "Wait." I had told my friends that I thought my house must be for a specific buyer and when it went up, it would be gone in a flash. And, boy, was I right. We had an asking price offer on the house within five days of it hitting the market (if you know the DC market, you can just get down on your knees right now and worship the Lord of All Creation for that) and the buyers wanted to close in three weeks. Oh my goodness. With the help of A TON of friends (we sure do love you) and a gracious God (we sure do love You too), we were able to pack up everything quickly and be on our way out by the end of November. Amazing!

We had every intention of going to Las Vegas to help our friends with a new church that they are planting near the Las Vegas strip. Every intention. So the kids and I headed to PA to stay with my family while Kevin remained in VA to work and try to hunt for a job in Vegas in his free time. The plan was to leave PA after the holidays and head west. My, how plans change.

November turned into December turned into January turned into February and still no job. We were bummed. We were wondering what God was up to. And we couldn't help but feel a little abandoned. What on earth was all of this for, God? We sell our house, we risk everything, we go into this crazy, temporary living situation? For what? Nothing? We were so confused.

I was talking to my friend Jen (the one who we were planning on joining in Vegas) about my frustration and she challenged me with this: "When I pray about your situation, I come up with two things. 1) If moving to Vegas is your calling, you are not embracing your calling, and, 2) If God is calling you to Vegas, you are not exhibiting the faith required to get yourself here. Wow. Talk about a whack upside the head. But talk about truth spoken gently and lovingly. It seemed that everything boiled down to that calling. Were we convinced that we were called to Vegas?

As Kevin and I discussed that question at length, we realized that we were willing and ready to go to Vegas but didn't have an overwhelming sense of God asking us to take a huge leap of faith and move there with no job and no house and just see what happens. Crazily enough, if we were sensing Him asking us to do that, we would. But, in fact, we were sensing that He was asking us to do just the opposite and stay put. Every fleece we laid out, every prayer we prayed seemed to lead back to Richmond. It was as if he wanted us to hang out in Richmond, buy a house closer to Kevin's job (which he LOVES but had been commuting an hour plus to from our last house), and let Him continue to unfold our story from there. In some ways, staying in Virginia was a much harder and humbling decision to accept. But we accepted it.

So, as of last week, we are now VA homeowners again. The kids and I have been on the road since November 30th and are getting excited about having a permanent home once again. We spent the first 2.5 months in PA staying with my parents and then headed off on a grand tour of the eastern seaboard (thank you BruMar, Gettigs, PCTC, Shores, Guilberts, Saufleys, Mim, and Uncle Blake for being so generous and hospitable to us!) over these last four (!) months. Right now we are in Florida staying with Blake and remodeling his home here while Kevin does major demolition and remodeling at our new home. When the worst of it is over (about another week or so), we will return. We can hardly wait to begin this new chapter and settle into what God is calling us to in Richmond.