Enough to Make You Puke - Part 2

So yesterday I blogged about how my constant intake of junk food finally culminated with a puke-fest that reminded me of my sin and how even though it makes me sick, I keep on doing it. But that wasn't the only thing that made me want to puke. The example I am setting for my children is nauseating at best.

When I found myself grabbing a Mountain Dew and a Smore Pop Tart for breakfast after being so sick from my junk food indulgences the day before, I also found myself hiding what I was eating from my children. I didn't want them to see me eating that after the non-stop instructions I give them about eating healthy and making wise food choices and how food is fuel and how we need to take care of our bodies.

Basically, I didn't want them to see their mother being a hypocrite. As if they didn't know already.

So what did I do about it? What every self-respecting, Christian technophile would do: I confessed my sin through my Facebook status.

"Nikki Sampson Brungard It should be a hint to myself that I must change my eating habits when I find myself hiding what I'm eating for breakfast from my children (S'more Pop Tarts and Mountain Dew.) I am a hypocrite. :(

Does that mean I was convicted? No. Just because I announce something to the FB world doesn't mean I'm convicted about it. It was more like an easy attempt at appearing penitent and a great venue to hear others say, "Me too." Not a lick of conviction going on there.

But then I went to the fridge to finish off my Dew. As I grabbed the handle and whipped it open hankering for another fix of my liquid drug, I saw a verse that I posted there last week for my children to see. But God used it for me instead. It's from 1 John 3:18 and says,

"Dear children, let us not love with words or tongue but with actions and in truth."

And then the conviction came.

When I instruct my kids on healthy eating, I am loving them with words and tongue. When I confess my weakness to others, I am expressing love for my children with words and tongue. When I say I should be honoring God with what I put in my body, I am expressing love for Him with words and tongue. But if all I have is words and tongue and not actions or truth, then my love is empty. Worthless. Full of hypocrisy and selfishness.

So no more hiding what I eat from my kids. No more making myself think that I get to do what I want because I'm the mom. No more comparing myself to others and thinking that at least I'm not that bad (insert finger pointing here.) Because I've seen that list from yesterday. And I am that bad.

May my children look back and say, "My mom not only loved me with words and tongue but her love went deep enough to include actions and truth." May it be, Lord, may it be.

Now, do you think chocolate and raspberry rugula counts as a breakfast pastry? Because I just bought some at BJ's and I would hate for it to go to waste...

Enough to Make You Puke - Part 1

I threw up in the middle of the night last night. After tossing and turning with horrible stomach pains for an hour, I finally relented and went in the bathroom and put my finger down my throat and let it all out. Did I have a virus? Nope. Food poisoning. Huh-uh. I just simply ate too much crap. And I mean crap.

Yesterday, at one point or another, various quantities of the following foods passed by my lips:

S'more Pop Tarts

Mountain Dew

Cheeseburger

Fries

Buffalo Popcorn

Starburst

Good 'n Plenty

Chocolate covered pretzels

Beef Lo Mein

Sesame Chicken

Rice

Sprite

More Mountain Dew

Ritz crackers

Whoppers

I'm sure you need to go and throw up now after reading that list. Go ahead, I'll wait.

Waiting...waiting...waiting...

Feel better don't you?

Yep, I did too after I puked it all up. And then I went back to bed promising that I would give up junk food and never eat like that again.

And then I woke up. And reached for a Mountain Dew and S'more Pop Tart for breakfast and thought, "What is wrong with me?! How can I be puking six hours ago and swearing I'll never eat this stuff again and here I am downing complete crap for breakfast? I need help!" I have the desire to eat salad, but I cannot carry it out because the Swiss Roll Cakes are calling to me. When I want to make a good food choice, Swedish Fish are right there with me.

And then it hit me. Romans 7:15-23

I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do. And if I do what I do not want to do, I agree that the law is good. As it is, it is no longer I myself who do it, but it is sin living in me. I know that nothing good lives in me, that is, in my sinful nature. For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out. For what I do is not the good I want to do; no, the evil I do not want to do—this I keep on doing. Now if I do what I do not want to do, it is no longer I who do it, but it is sin living in me that does it.

So I find this law at work: When I want to do good, evil is right there with me. For in my inner being I delight in God's law; but I see another law at work in the members of my body, waging war against the law of my mind and making me a prisoner of the law of sin at work within my members.

How many times have I resolved not to gossip again...and went right back to it? Not to lose my patience again...and yelled at my children? Not to judge someone again...and looked down on the "least" in society? My sin and my propensity for it make me want to puke. It makes my stomach knotted and hurts from the inside out. But, still, I keep doing it. Still I keep putting garbage in. And still garbage pukes itself on out.

Paul finishes this passage of Romans 7 with the following:

"Who will rescue me from this body of death? Thanks be to God--through Jesus Christ our Lord!"

Indeed, who will rescue me from this slow death I am dying from the amount of junk food I am ingesting? I am sorry to say it's going to have to be me. I already know what God wants for me so now it's about me changing my choices. Me hating this eating style enough to stop. Me realizing that more and more of my clothes do not fit. Me listening to God prompting my heart about the example I'm setting for my children. Me choosing wisely so I don't have to puke later.

And as for the sin in my life, I have no doubt about who will rescue me from this body of death. I join Paul in saying, "Thanks be to God--through Jesus Christ our Lord!" His grace alone rescues me. His willingness to die so I didn't have to rescues me. His conquering death so that I can live forever rescues me. He will rescue me. And I will respond by making choices that don't lead to death. But when I do (and He knows I will), thanks be to God--through Jesus Christ our Lord that His grace is still sufficient. And there's no puking required.