Derailed

My blog train had finally pulled into the station. It was fueled and ready to roll. It was steaming down the tracks. And then a sniffling, sneezing, coughing, stuffy-headed blonde girl derailed it. I had the best intention of blogging for today. Even knew what I was going to write about. And then a dear, sick, little girl who looks exactly like me had me awake for 2-3 hours last night because she couldn't stop coughing and the rest is history.

Isn't that how life is though? Don't we think that we have plans? I know I sure do. I planned to one day become a foreign service officer. Didn't happen. I planned to become a successful politician who changed how things were done in D.C. Nope, haven't heard my name spoken in the Senate chamber lately. I planned to have four children but found out that one's heart stopped beating before it made its way into the world. I planned to be a successful church-planting wife who could mentor and encourage others. I'm no longer in ministry. I planned to be the most organized homeschooling mother ever. Some days I barely keep my head above water and we're only doing second grade. I planned to sell my house and move to Las Vegas. The house sold two months ago, and I'm still sitting here waiting to go. I planned for life to be easy. I found out that it's not. In fact, it's very, very hard.

Sometimes in my darkest moments, I have lamented alongside Job when he says, "My days have passed, my plans are shattered, and so are the desires of my heart." (Job 17:10) I have had my plans shattered. From sick babies to careers to relationships to my fairytale-like existence. My plans are scattered all over the floor in a million tiny, little pieces with no hope for resurrection under my own power. But when I get up off the floor from trying to reassemble my itty-bitty, teeny-tiny, little plans and I look deeper into God's Word and I realize that I don't really want my plans. I want the plans of the One who writes,

"'For I know the plans I have for you,' declares the Lord, 'plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.'"

Oh, dear God, allow me to relinquish control of these plans I thought I had. Teach me how to avoid the foolishness of making plans apart from You. Let me seek Your heart - the heart that wants me to prosper and wants no harm for me, the heart that gives me hope and a future - with all I have. Listen to me, God. Be found by me. And while You're at it, derail every last plan I have. Thank you in advance for what You've got planned. My heart trusts Yours that it's going to be amazing.